CPM - Cynical Project Management

Cynical Project Management

The Six Stages of the Project Lifecycle

1. Enthusiasm

• The team is excited to begin and highly optimistic about the new initiative. People are desperate to get on board the new bandwagon.

2. Disillusionment

• Reality sets in as the aim is more poorly defined that initially thought. It turns out to be harder than expected. It will cost more and take longer than is acceptable.

3. Panic

• Deadlines are imposed to force progress. Frustration builds and stress levels rise as deadlines pass and the unresolved issues get worse.

4. Search for the Guilty

• "Get your blame in first." The project slips and seniors start asking difficult questions. The frantic witch-hunt to find a scapegoat begins.

5. Punishment of the Innocent

• The blame for the project's systemic failures is allocated to someone who had many opinions but no influence over the outcome.

6. Praise for the Non-Participants

• Management take the credit for being strong leaders and uninvolved bystanders the take credit for whatever gets salvaged, while the actual workers get nothing.

The Project Manager

"The unwanted, doing the unthinkable, for the ungrateful."

The Delivery Manager

"We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now able to do anything with nothing."